Class name: Referee.
Generic name: What-the-fuckus Linesmanus.
Common name: Linesman, assistant referee, twat, dick, cunt.
Country of Origin: Ingurland.
Physical characteristics:
Generic name: What-the-fuckus Linesmanus.
Common name: Linesman, assistant referee, twat, dick, cunt.
Country of Origin: Ingurland.
Physical characteristics:
- Strong shoulders due to constant raising and retaining arms in mid-air.
- Poor vision, even in daylight. Really.
- Partially deaf (under debate) owing to the barrage of abuse thrown at it from fans, players, managers, stewards, warming-up substitutes et cetera.
- Agile neck due to occasional nodding.
- Dull facial features and almost always expressionless.
Behaviour:
A linesman spends most of its time running up and down half the length of a green area called a "Football field". While its exact authority will always remain a mystery, it never ceases to impact a Football game. Although a linesman can be active at any time of the game, its activity generally peaks after the ball is played in its territory.
A linesman does not roam in a group/herd/pack/. It is always alone. A peculiarity of the linesman is that it never reaches maturity. It always screws-up on one occasion or the other viz. it may cost one team a title or a place in the Premier League, and blows the concept of "luck evens itself out at the end" to smithereens.
A linesman is usually considered numb. Absolutely numb. It remains indifferent to the noise and chaos around it and its life and carries on. It probably does not experience a single sleepless night, something which it very easily but unknowingly inflicts on that touchy lot called the “Fans”. Currently, it is being studied whether they are even dumb or just pretend.
Social relationships:
A linesman is one of the least favourite creatures. It endures abuse from all possible directions. Yes, even its family. No one really gives a rat’s arse about them anyway. Its direct enemy is the “Unhappy Manager”.
Baiting and taming:
A linesman can be baited and tamed by the “Manager under pressure” or by the “Arrogant manager who can fucking play mind games”. The former, however, fails to do so most of the times, for example, Rafael Benitez. The latter not only succeeds in it but also reserves special right to berate the linesman, especially at the “Half-time intervals” or the “Post-match reactions”. Only Alex Ferguson has the distinction of being both and still succeeding.
Cultural depiction:
A linesman forms an indispensable part of football forums (and blogs such as this) around the world as the reason of initiation of topics that promote abuse and hatred and other ill-feelings towards it.
Sir Alex Ferguson, the Godfather of English Football, sums it best when he says – “…you really need quality officials and we didn't get them today. It was a poor, poor performance.” And who can deny that?
A linesman spends most of its time running up and down half the length of a green area called a "Football field". While its exact authority will always remain a mystery, it never ceases to impact a Football game. Although a linesman can be active at any time of the game, its activity generally peaks after the ball is played in its territory.
A linesman does not roam in a group/herd/pack/. It is always alone. A peculiarity of the linesman is that it never reaches maturity. It always screws-up on one occasion or the other viz. it may cost one team a title or a place in the Premier League, and blows the concept of "luck evens itself out at the end" to smithereens.
A linesman is usually considered numb. Absolutely numb. It remains indifferent to the noise and chaos around it and its life and carries on. It probably does not experience a single sleepless night, something which it very easily but unknowingly inflicts on that touchy lot called the “Fans”. Currently, it is being studied whether they are even dumb or just pretend.
Social relationships:
A linesman is one of the least favourite creatures. It endures abuse from all possible directions. Yes, even its family. No one really gives a rat’s arse about them anyway. Its direct enemy is the “Unhappy Manager”.
Baiting and taming:
A linesman can be baited and tamed by the “Manager under pressure” or by the “Arrogant manager who can fucking play mind games”. The former, however, fails to do so most of the times, for example, Rafael Benitez. The latter not only succeeds in it but also reserves special right to berate the linesman, especially at the “Half-time intervals” or the “Post-match reactions”. Only Alex Ferguson has the distinction of being both and still succeeding.
Cultural depiction:
A linesman forms an indispensable part of football forums (and blogs such as this) around the world as the reason of initiation of topics that promote abuse and hatred and other ill-feelings towards it.
Sir Alex Ferguson, the Godfather of English Football, sums it best when he says – “…you really need quality officials and we didn't get them today. It was a poor, poor performance.” And who can deny that?
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