...with shattered faith in Providence.

Ever wondered why you feel that you and your wits are suddenly pitted against the conspiracies of the cosmos when every damn thing proceeds in a highly obnoxious and the least desired way? Ever wondered why on earth, or for that matter any goddamned planet in the universe, things go wrong when we least want or expect them to? And ever wondered why such things that go wrong are so large in number and that these things go wrong with such ferocity that they cannot help but start a train of mishaps that culminates into we being pulled down into a deep well of misery and hopelessness, shattering your faith in Providence?

Wondering about such tragedies that befall you can be such a painfully frustrating experience, if at all you happened to be pulled down into a deep well of misery and hopelessness. Those who know what I am talking about would agree. Those who don’t know what I am talking about would agree in the end.

When such tragedies do fall upon me, I do not hesitate whatsoever to suggest to the saying, “Whatever happens, happens for the good” to rather rot in bloody hell, more specifically to that “whatever” and to that “good”. Blast them!

Ever wondered how it feels when you call someone from you mobile phone and the call lasts for a minute and 2 seconds, specially when you are running low on credit? Ever wondered how it feels when you are running late for college, quite a good, few kilometers away, and your bus stops at every goddamned possible traffic signal on the route just to make the journey “perfect”? Don’t even try wondering, you would fail, for it’s beyond human capacity, without experiencing it. It’s a painfully frustrating experience, and suddenly but surely, you are enlightened that you are really being pulled down into a deep well of misery and hopelessness, shattering your faith in Providence.

Oh well, science knows and explains about these I-am-sure-this-the-Wrath-of-the-Gods tragedies. Read: Murphy’s Law. It states: “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” The Law is sometimes further extended to “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong at the worst possible time.” A classic example: A buttered toast will always fall on the buttered side, just when you are about to eat it, if at all it falls, which inevitably becomes the case. Ironically, or rather not so ironically, the Law doesn’t apply as a subset of something useful; rather it doesn’t act so that we profit by its action. But then, there’s a bit of complexity, as in all laws of science, in Murphy’s Law as well, to save humans from going down the deep well. It’s called the Silverman’s Paradox. The Paradox is: "If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will." Now that's a bit of relief! More reassuringly, the Law doesn’t hold good for, or it doesn’t act on unsuspecting beings. By this, I mean, Murphy’s Law won’t act if the person concerned doesn’t know about it. You would think you are saved the misery because you didn’t know about the Law. But think again, I just endowed that knowledge upon you. No, this wasn’t my plan to seek revenge, get even nor take out my frustrations, but just my plan to spread the word about this very interesting Law. Effectively it’s the same, but I had and still have noble intentions, really. Please search it up on Wikipedia, the link to that article being: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murphy%27s_Law

Coming to think about it, I wonder what if Murphy never came across his Law. In any case, that doesn’t matter now, now that the Pandora’s, or rather Murphy’s Box is opened, which again is an example of acting of Murphy’s Law itself: “If Pandora’s, or rather Murphy’s Box can be opened, it will be opened.” So you see, Murphy’s Law is perpetual, for there might have arisen a doubt somewhere in time as in “Does something like Murphy’s Law exist?” or “Will something like Murphy’s Law act?”, which is a wrong, ofcourse with some different name possibly, which would then, as the Law states, result in arguments such as “If something like Murphy’s Law can exist, it will exist” or “If something like Murphy’s Law can act, it will act”. But this Law certainly touches upon an interesting topic to think upon (please read the article on Wikipedia, it's worth a read, really!), a food for thought for that matter and more certainly sheds light upon the fact that this Law has a number of uses. For example, it’s used to make a product “idiot-proof.” It makes use of the Law as in if there exists a way to wrongly use a product, there would be atleast someone in the world to use the product in that wrong way. Using this hypothesis, the product is so designed that the wrong way is very difficult to follow so that the product becomes “idiot-proof”. But then again, by Murphy’s Law, if a product can be wrongly used, it will be wrongly used, no matter how “idiot-proof” you make it. This is often expressed as "Make something idiot-proof, and they will build a better idiot."

Bloody hell! It’s all wrapped up one inside the other! I hope I am not incorrect when I feel that you wouldn’t disagree with me if I rather suggest that Murphy and his Law, and consequently me and my post successfully proved to be a real pain in the tosh. This was inevitable though, for if someone or something can prove to be a real pain in the tosh, then someone or something will prove to be a real pain in the tosh.

And when I said, “Those who don’t know what I am talking about would agree in the end”, I didn’t mean exactly this end, for you now know the Murphy’s Law, and the train has just started. Have a nice ride, with shattered faith in Providence.

...till death, and beyond!

"I feel close to the rebelliousness and vigour of the youth here. Perhaps time will separate us, but nobody can deny that here, behind the windows of Manchester, there is an insane love of football, of celebration and of music." - Eric "The King" Cantona

As an 11 year old, playing a demo version of the famous FIFA 2003 on my PC, little did I presage that it would give way to a passion, a faith, a religion, an association that would have hitherto remained unforeseen and least expected. The video game allowed only 2 teams to be selected as the one which you would control – Manchester United and Arsenal. Human nature played its part: I always used to select Manchester United because “it was on the left of the screen” and Arsenal “on the right”, our natural tendency being to look at things that come first, left to right (which later led me to know the fact that United were the home side, and Arsenal the visiting one). That introduced me to the team, which I thought only existed within the realms of video gaming and “inside” CDs and computers.

As an 11 year old, who had just begun playing football, let alone understanding it (apart from the rules ofcourse, for I knew them, courtesy: FIFA 2003), I was quite naturally taken to watching football on TV. Then suddenly, one day, I saw something which I thought I never would – the actual players from the team of Manchester United. They were there, all of them – Scholes, Nistelrooy, Beckham, Keane, Giggs, Neville – all of them, playing right in front of me. I expected it to be a video game, but they were there, the players, live and living, with the same jersey, playing under the same name of the team that I would begin following from that very instant to perhaps eternity.

As an 11 year old, seeing Manchester United playing the same sport as I did, excited me enough to follow the team’s progress. I gradually began understanding the game. That led to an all new love for the sport and for United, their playing style being a catalyst for the deep interest that I took.

My journey had begun. To watch United play was strictly not to be missed. It had become a habit to celebrate every goal that United scored, mourn every loss that United suffered and gloriously live every victory that United achieved. That season, 2002-03, United were crowned Champions of England. I was happy, much like when India wins any cricket series. The newspapers then played their part in explaining how great a team United were, their greatness coming from the number of trophies that they had won. I still remember reading a small news item in a side-strip: “Leeds win, Man Utd win title.” And this endeared me more to the team – a champion team. I suppose you would feel that I jumped on the bandwagon, that I was just another wannabe fan, a glory hunter, a Muppet who supports the team because I chose the team while playing a video game. But it was all a lucky coincidence really.

That was not all. That wasn't the only reason. There was more to come. I came across the history of Manchester United. It was fascinating, endearing and great to be proud of. I became everything that – fascinated, endeared and proud, though I wasn’t associated with United when most of the history was carved out. But there was something more – the Mancunian pride, the fierce and intense rivalry with clubs like City, Liverpool and Leeds, the loyalty of the fanatics atop the Stretford End shouting and cheering the team, the determination, loyalty and passion of the players – that filled me with a sense of belonging to that very pride, that very rivalry, that very loyalty, that very Manchester United that was and that had become. Manchester United had become a passion, a faith, a religion, an association that would have hitherto remained unforeseen and least expected when I first played the video game as an 11 year old dearer than most things I loved. The players, the Red Devils, had become Gods and everything associated with United had become associated with me. United was my team, it was my love for them and it was my die-hard fanaticism for the club. I identified myself with the Mancunian pride and loyalty and with Manchester United.

Even to this day, I am filled with overwhelming pride when I happen to think about being a United fan, about being a part of a massive family of people around the world, who are similarly obsessed with United as I am, that never ceases to practice the religion that is Manchester United. You could imagine the degree of passion and love for the club when you see Mancunians holding the club in higher esteem than their own country! Such is their loyalty that it even exceeds their patriotism! The support that they provided Ronaldo with after the World Cup stands as an epitome to their loyalty. It's magical how United impart an unique unity between its fans. They are one of the best, without a doubt.

Even to this day, the erupting Stretford End, the emphatic and passionate celebrations of Beckham, Neville, Keano, Rooney - all true Devils, the kissing of United’s crest, the Theatre of Dreams, the magical beauty of feeling love for the team as one’s own family never fail to well up my eyes. It's probably easier to support a successful a team as United and be called a United fan but in future, no matter how many trophies United win or how bad or well they play, United and the players will have a special place in my heart forever, because I am a Red, and I don't and would never wish to change my colour even if United's new trophy cabinets house nothing. After 4 years since they last won the Premiere League, they did it last season. I hope there’s more of that to come.

Even to this day, I wonder, what if I had selected Arsenal while playing the video game. Would I have been a Gooner and not a Devil? The answer that I find eventually is negative, and it remains so.

I know I would follow United till death, and beyond!

And that's exactly what matters.

"Some people believe that football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much more important than that." - Bill Shankly

I personally believe that it was invented for the sheer purpose of making mankind realize how beautiful life is. Even though we are confined within the mortal realms, it touches us with a divine beauty and grace, so holy and pure, that you tend to cry out loud in joy and pure bliss and your mind and soul race to the altars of Nirvana. It's simple yet beautiful, it's rough yet beautiful, it's fast yet beautiful; it's The Beautiful Game of Football that shattered all geographical boundaries and united the world with its one common language.

Coming to think about it, I wonder how those 90 minutes instill in us, a myriad of emotions - right from pain to ecstasy, from love to hatred, from pride to envy - and from a hard, smacking sense of mortality to a sense of belonging to a higher plane of existence. A sublime through ball, or a perfectly timed volley, or a gracefully curling freekick, or a header scored after a predator-like lunge in the air, or a magnetic cross-field pass, or a powerful, cannon-like shot or better still, a GOAL lifts our souls and having witnessed such a delightful sight that sends through our hearts a shard of pure thrill, of pure happiness and of pure pleasure, makes us believe, though for a moment, that all is so peaceful and serene and that we attain privileged divinity. To quote Eric "The King" Cantona, "Goals are like babies, they all are beautiful."

And this is exactly why I started playing this sport with a die-hard fanaticism. Listing football in a list of "Things I cannot live without" would not be an exaggeration on my part. Surely, it's too much, many would say. But those who practice this holy sport may know what I mean when I described football as I did. I could not find enough fitting words in my lexicon to describe it. I started out playing football with friends and soon football, for me, wasn't just a form of mere physical exertion or a from of passing time anymore. Gradually, it grew into a whole new passion and a new hobby. I've been playing it for the past 5 years now. It's not at all a big deal really, you would say. Both I suppose it really is a big deal when you go to the park ALMOST everyday for 5 years, either to play or watch the game being played. We even played DURING our Xth Boards. But it does not matter.

With growing madness, a dream was being envisaged in the back of my mind - a dream to be there, at the top, with the best, to play at the Theatre of Dreams, celebrating a goal by crying my heart out in front of the Stretford end, kissing the United crest. It was a dream driven more by a maddening passion, a torturous zeal and a raw fanaticism and less by a commitment and determination to realize it. It was a dream which I hoped would prove to be easy to achieve. But I was proved wrong, partly by my own actions, or rather lack of them, and partly by a social state that everyone could fail to overlook. Dreams are never meant to be easily lived, this I realized agonizingly late after I failed to nurture my dream and gave up its pursuit and let it remain just that - a dream. I was only left with a question that would remain unanswered for eternity - "What if?" My heart still cries out when I imagine living my dream. But it does not matter.

I did play for my school team for 3 years, even captained the side, but never really managed to win a tournament, although we did manage to reach the semi-final stage and manage to beat some of the top sides such as Bombay Scottish and Don Bosco. A lack of a coach played a great role for our failure. To be really modest, we all were naturally talented, no doubt about it, it's just that we never got the proper coaching facilities. But then again, it was just an unforeseen consequence of the lack of efforts from our part. India, unfortunately, was never a footballing nation. Cricket being the national religion of almost all of Indians, football has taken a backseat anyway. I still play for a club, FC Prodigy, that we, football fanatics who refused to forsake their demi-religion of football, formed. But it does not matter.

Football, I believe, shaped me more than anything. It imparted on me a sense of sportsmanship, of team spirit, of determination and grit, of making up for others' loss, of controlling one's emotions and letting them out at the right time, specially when you score a goal, and above all, a sense of being able to do or create something so beautiful and exquisite. And that's why football holds a special place in my heart and would continue to do so until the end of the world.

And that's exactly what matters.

And so it begins...

It had to be decided. To write or not to write this blog, was the question that remained unanswered.

I finally decided to begin today, for if I hadn't, another day of my life would have passed, and with it my thoughts as well.

I really don't intend to write into this daily, not even regularly. I just wanted to type down some of my thoughts that cross my mind and share them.

So I chose not to remain smothered. Not forever.

And so I began...